When March arrived, everything fell apart. I got crankier. I felt more restless. Starting March 1st, I wanted to journal but I failed. No matter what I did, I failed to express what I was feeling. For a second, I thought I didn’t know what I was feeling. So I went back to what I always when I felt like that – I ranted out. Because S. wasn’t around, I ranted out to A. And few other folks too. A. read my words patiently as she could. She has always been good at things like this – , hearing the right tone of my voice as I screamed and wailed through these words. And then she told me this:
“Challenges are good and necessary when you’re too comfortable. You’re in an uncomfortable position right now, you need all the sorting and venting. To feel comfortable, to love yourself. Instead of looking outside and trying to be someone else look inward and vent how you vent best. The world existed outside you but you stood as a single entity who really tapped into what she was feeling and you wrote few but powerful lines.
Appreciate other methods by all means but don’t let them define how you should journal. Life isn’t tailor-made, you can’t decide you’re a failure. For a week try journaling without inhibition. Don’t set deadlines or rules or expectations.”
And that’s how I went back to words-only journaling method I am comfortable in. I dropped the idea of all-in-one bullet and art journaling and went back to Planner and a journal and few notebooks method for two months. I think I am ready for bullet and art journaling back again, but I am taking time. I am not forcing myself. I am not setting up deadlines. I am just going with the flow. And maybe this time it will click. (Fingers-crossed).