If there is one thing you can do for me, then please carry the guilt of breaking my heart like a heavy stone and make sure it drowns you every time you try to cross the river. Cry me snowstorm and avalanches while holding the sadness so close to your heart that it freezes over and over again, making you wonder whether the summer would ever come back to you again. Look down upon yourself with all the shame. Peel each layer of skin with hatred and get burnt out of your toxic self; remembering how you shattered me into pieces like you would break down a house.
Become so restless that you will have to wander around the city, but everywhere you’d go my memory will haunt you like the dreams you murdered as a kid. And run, like a convicted murderer, from the gallies where your hands slipped in mine and from the chowks where our lips merged into one and from the random phas in the street where we converged our dreams.
And when you go back to your room, feel the void it reflects back to you and suffocate on the emptiness you feel. Choke on your tangled thoughts that it becomes hard to breathe. And when you lay in your bed night, feel the vastness of the hole you will never be able to get out of.
Go through these again and again like the cycle of life or seasons. For weeks or for years or even lives. But one day, wake up and take a deep breath or two and wonder what has been happening to you. Start making a list of why you’d been feeling everything and nothing at once. Reflect on what we used to be and how you left me hanging, standing alone. And tell yourself that you will never do the same again. Maybe then, cross the river and find love. And let that love radiate your heart so that spring will come followed by summer.